Post springbreak depression

I finished chapter 7 part II of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter and until now I never understood how Mr. Singer could be so lonely even when he is surrounded be so many people who like him and talk to him. These people talk to him endlessly about themselves and their ideas, questions and ambitions. There are four of them who visit him almost daily. Yet he is incredibly lonely. All he wants is to see and talk to his old friend who has been locked away in an asylum.

I think I understand now how Mr. Singer feels. Every time I come home I hate coming back here. I am surrounded by friends here and they are all good people and I enjoy their company but all I want is to be home with my family and old friends. I long for a permanence I can never have again, at least not in that environment. Someday I shall have to beat my Peter Pan syndrome and grow up or, perhaps, acknowledge that I am grown up.

I picked up seven summer job applications over break. I have never had a job before. I am not lazy; I never worked because I was busy. To be honest, I don't want to work. I rather much enjoyed the parts of the summer days when I could be lazy. I need the money though. I never noticed until this year the profound effect money has on our lives. To an extent it is what we live and die by. I wish I wasn't so, but then again I wish for a lot of things.

What strange things wishes are. They are a strange, intangible smoke caught on the air. I grow tired now. Perhaps I shall continue this thought later.